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Dog Grief:


When to say good-bye to your dog

27 comments | Leave your own comment

The reality is that unlike your children--or anyone else you've helped raise and take care of--your dog will probably not outlive you. Even more sobering, you may end up facing a difficult decision about when to end the life of this precious friend and family member.

Some dogs do pass peacefully on their own, but in many cases, the will to survive keeps a dog going long past the point of experiencing good quality of life. While recent advances in veterinary medicine are nothing short of amazing, remember that just because you can prolong his life doesn't mean it's in your dog's best interest to do so.

Most of the factors around aging and death are beyond our control, but the one thing you are able to do for your dog is alleviate undue pain and suffering. Arguably, no other decision you make about your dog will be as difficult as the one to euthanize, but in so many cases, it is the only humane option.

How to know it's time

If there's ever a time to put your dog's welfare ahead of your own needs, this is it. While the idea of living without your beloved pet can be devastating, the thought of him suffering should feel even worse.

So in considering what to do, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Does your dog have a terminal illness? Ask your veterinarian what to expect at the next stage and then ask whether you're prepared to go there.
  • Is your dog in the kind of pain that cannot be significantly alleviated by medication?
  • Will more treatment improve his quality of life, or simply maintain a poor quality of life?
  • Can you afford treatment? End-of-life care can run into thousands of dollars, and people can end up prolonging their grieving while paying off credit cards.
  • Is your dog so old he has lost most bodily functions? If he can no longer stand up, get down stairs, defecate, and urinate on his own, the quality of his life is pretty poor.
  • Does he still want to eat? Once a dog loses his appetite he's signaling he's close to the end.
  • Are his gums pink? When gums aren't a normal pink, your dog isn't getting enough oxygen.
  • Is it in his best interest to extend his life, or are you extending his life for yourself? This last point is the most difficult one for most of us to sort out, but it may well be the most relevant.

Other considerations

  • You may find that everyone feels free to tell you what to do, but the responsibility for this choice is yours. This can be more difficult when a couple disagrees, but it can still weigh heavily on a single person.
  • Your veterinarian is trained to save lives. That's what they do, and that's why you go to them. But all they can do is delay, not prevent. No veterinarian should make you feel guilty for choosing not to pursue treatment, even if you can afford it.
  • If your veterinarian is advising euthanasia and you're reluctant, closely examine your own motives and see if they're for your benefit or the dog's.
  • People often say, "You'll know when it's time." In many cases that's true, but not always.
  • Choosing euthanasia is not "playing God" any more than providing medical treatment to save a life is.
  • Euthanasia ensures that you'll be able to be with your dog at the moment he passes, so he's not alone. However, you don't have to be there. If you feel you cannot remain calm, it's best for your dog that you not be there.
  • Most people believe it's better to euthanize your dog a day too early rather than a day too late.

Make a list, or two

Before your dog gets to the point where euthanasia is a consideration, and you're still fairly calm, write a list of what gives him quality of life. Decide how many of those points he can be without in old age and still enjoy his life. For example:

  • He likes to eat.
  • He likes to play ball.
  • He likes to go for walks.
  • He likes to be petted by children.
  • He is proud of his housebreaking.
  • He likes large groups of people and dogs.
  • He likes going for car rides.

That's seven points. How many points do you think your dog needs to enjoy life, even if he's not in pain?

If he can maintain quality of life with four of those seven, then you know it may be time to consider euthanasia if he gets to three points. Promise yourself that other factors, such as pain, the kind of senility that causes fear, and a lack of bodily function and control, cancel out any list.

Next, decide how much money you can afford to spend on veterinary care. Make a decision, write it down, and stick to your plan when your emotions are off the chart.

If your dog is suffering, he has lost all joy in being a dog.

Bottom line: The emotions surrounding this decision are mixed and complicated. To do what's best for our dogs, we need to realistically assess the criteria without allowing emotion to overwhelm the decision-making process.

Related articles:

Dog Euthanasia

Grief and acceptance of loss

Caring for your senior dog

Life with a senior dog

Expert Q&A: Dog hospice care?

Rethinking pet insurance

10 ways to honor/memorialize your dog

Locate a veterinarian in your area


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Dear Labby


dogtime tip

Whatever you decide, be kind to yourself afterward. For those of us who love our dogs beyond measure, this is a difficult decision that sometimes requires choosing the lesser of two evils. Make the best decision you can with the information you have, and don't second-guess yourself later. At that point there's nothing you can do about it but feel bad. Consider instead all the joy you and your dog brought each other.


 

Comments

Avatarmay your soul rest in peace my dear ones Dusky,Flurry,Zoro,Kinder,the bliss we felt with you will remain in our heart till our last day, wish God could grant my only wish to get you four back to our life.” — Anupriya, Nov 20 2009

Avatarmay your soul rest in peace my dear ones Dusky,Flurry,Zoro,Kinder,the bliss we felt with you will remain in our heart till our last day, wish God could grant my only wish to get you three back to our life.” — Anupriya, Nov 20 2009

AvatarI have read your article, and the postings, but it is still a very hard decision. One vet told me to consider quality of life, while the other said that it was not time until they stopped eating, stopped wagging their tail, or could no longer go to the bathroom. I don't think our 13 year old beagle with terminal cancer will ever quit eating or wagging. But she can no longer do anything without suffering. She eats when I change her food, and I now put her pain pills in raw venison meatballs. She has been suffering since Labor Day, but after the vet told me not to bring her until she quit eating or wagging. Well, now she is again incontinent like before her bladder surgery and this time she has blood in it and today it was fresh blood drips. I am going to call again in the morning. She will probably "smile" at them with a tail wag, and they will want to treat for bladder infection, although she has bladder cancer which has spread all through her. I will be so glad when she is no longer suffering and I don't have to watch her and think about this all the time.” — Teresa, Nov 15 2009

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