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Dog Grief:


When to say good-bye to your dog

24 comments | Leave your own comment

The reality is that unlike your children--or anyone else you've helped raise and take care of--your dog will probably not outlive you. Even more sobering, you may end up facing a difficult decision about when to end the life of this precious friend and family member.

Some dogs do pass peacefully on their own, but in many cases, the will to survive keeps a dog going long past the point of experiencing good quality of life. While recent advances in veterinary medicine are nothing short of amazing, remember that just because you can prolong his life doesn't mean it's in your dog's best interest to do so.

Most of the factors around aging and death are beyond our control, but the one thing you are able to do for your dog is alleviate undue pain and suffering. Arguably, no other decision you make about your dog will be as difficult as the one to euthanize, but in so many cases, it is the only humane option.

How to know it's time

If there's ever a time to put your dog's welfare ahead of your own needs, this is it. While the idea of living without your beloved pet can be devastating, the thought of him suffering should feel even worse.

So in considering what to do, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Does your dog have a terminal illness? Ask your veterinarian what to expect at the next stage and then ask whether you're prepared to go there.
  • Is your dog in the kind of pain that cannot be significantly alleviated by medication?
  • Will more treatment improve his quality of life, or simply maintain a poor quality of life?
  • Can you afford treatment? End-of-life care can run into thousands of dollars, and people can end up prolonging their grieving while paying off credit cards.
  • Is your dog so old he has lost most bodily functions? If he can no longer stand up, get down stairs, defecate, and urinate on his own, the quality of his life is pretty poor.
  • Does he still want to eat? Once a dog loses his appetite he's signaling he's close to the end.
  • Are his gums pink? When gums aren't a normal pink, your dog isn't getting enough oxygen.
  • Is it in his best interest to extend his life, or are you extending his life for yourself? This last point is the most difficult one for most of us to sort out, but it may well be the most relevant.

Other considerations

  • You may find that everyone feels free to tell you what to do, but the responsibility for this choice is yours. This can be more difficult when a couple disagrees, but it can still weigh heavily on a single person.
  • Your veterinarian is trained to save lives. That's what they do, and that's why you go to them. But all they can do is delay, not prevent. No veterinarian should make you feel guilty for choosing not to pursue treatment, even if you can afford it.
  • If your veterinarian is advising euthanasia and you're reluctant, closely examine your own motives and see if they're for your benefit or the dog's.
  • People often say, "You'll know when it's time." In many cases that's true, but not always.
  • Choosing euthanasia is not "playing God" any more than providing medical treatment to save a life is.
  • Euthanasia ensures that you'll be able to be with your dog at the moment he passes, so he's not alone. However, you don't have to be there. If you feel you cannot remain calm, it's best for your dog that you not be there.
  • Most people believe it's better to euthanize your dog a day too early rather than a day too late.

Make a list, or two

Before your dog gets to the point where euthanasia is a consideration, and you're still fairly calm, write a list of what gives him quality of life. Decide how many of those points he can be without in old age and still enjoy his life. For example:

  • He likes to eat.
  • He likes to play ball.
  • He likes to go for walks.
  • He likes to be petted by children.
  • He is proud of his housebreaking.
  • He likes large groups of people and dogs.
  • He likes going for car rides.

That's seven points. How many points do you think your dog needs to enjoy life, even if he's not in pain?

If he can maintain quality of life with four of those seven, then you know it may be time to consider euthanasia if he gets to three points. Promise yourself that other factors, such as pain, the kind of senility that causes fear, and a lack of bodily function and control, cancel out any list.

Next, decide how much money you can afford to spend on veterinary care. Make a decision, write it down, and stick to your plan when your emotions are off the chart.

If your dog is suffering, he has lost all joy in being a dog.

Bottom line: The emotions surrounding this decision are mixed and complicated. To do what's best for our dogs, we need to realistically assess the criteria without allowing emotion to overwhelm the decision-making process.

Related articles:

Dog Euthanasia

Grief and acceptance of loss

Caring for your senior dog

Life with a senior dog

Expert Q&A: Dog hospice care?

Rethinking pet insurance

10 ways to honor/memorialize your dog

Locate a veterinarian in your area


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Dear Labby


dogtime tip

Whatever you decide, be kind to yourself afterward. For those of us who love our dogs beyond measure, this is a difficult decision that sometimes requires choosing the lesser of two evils. Make the best decision you can with the information you have, and don't second-guess yourself later. At that point there's nothing you can do about it but feel bad. Consider instead all the joy you and your dog brought each other.


 

Comments

AvatarOUR 10 YEAR OLD BORDER COLLIE TORE HER CRUCIATE AND HAD SURGERY IN APRIL. IT TOOK UNTIL SEPTEMBER WHERE SHE WAS WALKING WELL AGAIN. IN THE MEANTIME WE POSTED HER FOR SURGERY NEXT WEEK BECAUSE THE VET SAID SHE HAD TO ROTTEN TEETH THAT HAD TO BE REMOVED. DOING THE PRELIMINARY BLOOD WORK THEY FOUND THAT SHE HAD AN ABNORMAL BLOOD COUNT THAT HAD TO BE FURTHER INVESTIGATED. YESTERDAY WE HAD TO RUSH HER OFF TO THE VET AGAIN BECAUSE SHE TORE THE CRUCIATE IN THE OTHER LEG. IT CAN ONLY BE FIXED SURGICALLY. SHE IS ON PAIN KILLERS NOW BUT WE ARE THINKING THAT IT MAY BE BEST TO PUT HER DOWN....WHICH IS INCREDEBLY HEART BREAKING. WE DON'T WANT TO SEE HER SUFFER ANYMORE. ITS ALSO THE COST FACTOR TOO. JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO” — PATTY, Nov 05 2009

Avatarmy beloved German Shepard was diagnosed with bone cancer 2 months ago he has been fine till yesterday when he couldnt get outside without falling as his back legs have now decided they dont want to move he is still alert and barks at the noises outside and eats drinks but I know I will have to decide to let him go to his brother in Heaven who died last year but I am so torn and I know my husband would not want to let him go I wish someone could wave the magic wand and let us all have our lost pets be with us but I know that cant happen we do have to say goodbye but when is the hardest decision we have to make .God bless you all who has had to do that
Ann” — Ann, Nov 02 2009

AvatarI got my dog Duchess( Lab/ Shepherd mix) when she was just a few months old from the dog pound in my home town. She was so small, that she made the six hour trip home in the sleeve of my coat. She is now 11 going on 12 years old and has been suffering from a rapidly growing tumor on her upper jaw since April of this year. I have been to two different Vets., a Veterinary specialist, and had a consult from the oncology team at a local veterinary college. With in the last two weeks she has lost a significant amount weight, she is lethargic, and hasn't had much of an appetite. I have been crying all day trying to figure out if we should"put her to sleep". After reading many articles (especially this one) and a lot of these comments, I think my decision is yes. I feel so guilty, but I know she doesn't deserve to suffer any more. I pray that she knows how much I love her and what a wonderful friend she has been to me. Thank you for making this information available, it has truly been helpful...Alaina,” — Alaina, Oct 26 2009

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