A missing pet isn’t funny, but here are 10 signs for lost dogs and cats that intentionally (or unintentionally) tickle the funny bone:
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Lost Cat: Reward if you find him & don’t return him. Promised girlfriend I’d put up a sign. Cat’s a total pain in the ass. Tears up furniture, craps everywhere. Call if you find him & want to keep him. Will pay $$$! (Right, girlfriend will probably be ex by tonight) -
Found: Gay Dog: Was crossing Dundas St. on Saturday, July 14th, almost got hit by a car. Won’t stop humping my dog! Please come get ‘em! -
Lost Dog! Friendly, White Jack Russell Terrier w/ huge balls. Name: London Brown -
Missing from home. Wife and Dog. Information required. Reward for return of the dog. -
Reward: “Eddie” Black Manx, white markings on belly, no tail. Six years old. Red collar w/ tags. Overweight. Mews all day/night demanding attention. Won’t stay off countertops. Eats directly from unattended plates, knocks glasses/bottles/vases onto floor. Various expensive ailments. Doesn’t do tricks or anything of interest. Will give this cat to whoever returns my car keys, lost here last Thursday. -
Lost Dalmatian. If found please call... -
Lost missing since 5/23/07 Black & White housecat. Answers to “Leon.” Very timid housecat has “Hitler moustache.” If seen please call... -
Missing Dog! Contact Tom. $20.00 Reward! $10.00 Reward! His name is Eric and he’s an idiot. That’s probably why he’s missing. His face is like a skillet and he’s nude. (Sorry about his balls.) Also I’m selling this drum I have for $20.00 if you’re interested... -
Missing... -
Look At This Dog. Responds to the name Gilligan. Last seen chilling in my backyard, not giving a... Pays by his own rules and apologizes to no man. Or dog. Will flip out if offered cheese, especially Kraft slices. Borderline obese. Ya know, from Kraft slices. Loves rolling in his own filth. But who doesn’t? Has a gorgeous, flowing mane, akin to a majestic lion’s. Not Lost — just wanted to show you how awesome my dog is.
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