Science has given us a lot of answers when it comes to strange dog behaviors, whether it’s following you around 24/7 or tearing up your brand new sneakers. There are some things our pups do, however, that not only seem to defy all logic, but make things, well, awkward. If you have a pup in your life, no doubt you have experienced some of these embarrassing things.
1. Sitting Directly On Your Feet
You are doing the dishes. Talking on the phone. Brushing your teeth. And your dog is right there with you–like right there. Sitting on your feet. Maybe they think they are doing you a service by keeping your feet extra toasty in the middle of July, or maybe they have severe separation anxiety. Either way, they find a way to sit on your feet at the most inopportune moments, like when you are having a serious face-to-face talk with your landlord.
2. They Poop In The Worst Places At The Worst Times
Like directly on your lap. One time my Chihuahua mix was doing her business in the front yard and a garbage truck passed by. Apparently it literally scared the you-know-what out of her, and when my pup is scared, she jumps on my lap, no matter what she is in the middle of doing. Other popular awkward places dogs tend to do their business are in front of your neighborhood crush during your morning walk, in your friend’s living room after you bragged about how well trained they were, or just on the sidewalk instead of the grass.
3. They Watch You At Your Most Intimate Moments
Like, literally, the most intimate. Getting cozy for the first time with a new beau? I can guarantee that if your pup is not whining at the door to be let in, it is because they are already in the room watching. They are usually far enough away where you can try to convince your partner to just ignore them, but it is hard to get a pup’s judgmental, unblinking eyes out of your head when you are trying to be your sexiest.
4. And Sometimes They Try To Join In On Said Intimate Moments
“Wow, you sound like you are either hurting my human or having a great time with them–either way, count me in!” If your dog sleeps in your bed, they think they have the right to join you in the bed any dang time they want. And they will try.
5. They Stash Their Treats And Other Goodies In Your Bed
After a long day of work, nothing is nicer than taking a luxurious bath, putting on some lotion, and crawling into a bed that has treat crumbs and slobbery toys buried between the sheets. Go ahead and tell yourself that your pup thought she was doing you a favor by providing half-eaten treats. Come on, they’re healthy!
6. They Defy Anything Good You Have Told Your Friends About Them
If you’re like me, you are trying to convince nearly all of your friends to get dogs. You talk about the unconditional love, how training can be time-consuming but rewarding, and all the good dog things. Just as you finish explaining all those good dog things, your pup will immediately present your friend a pair of torn up underwear, start whining at a fly on the wall, or run around like the house is on fire for no apparent reason. Because–you know–dog.
7. They Clean Themselves At The Worst Times
And I don’t mean they just lick off their paws. Lady bits, boy parts–it doesn’t matter the sex or size of your dog. There will be a point where they just go to town cleaning themselves, and because Murphy’s Law exists, it will be at the most embarrassing and inopportune moment.
8. And Sometimes They Try To Clean You
There really isn’t anything better than being smothered with puppy kisses. Unfortunately, clothing defies puppy logic, and when you don’t have those clothes on in the small window of time between getting out of the shower and putting on clothes, they think giving you kisses anywhere is a great idea. We’ve all talked to our therapists about this at least once, right?
9. They Out Us For What We Truly Are–Puppy Pushovers
You may try to show off your dogs skills to a friend, but at the end of the day, we know who has all the power–the pup. Let’s just face the music and accept ourselves for who we are–puppy pushovers. Because at the end of the day, how can you say no to that adorable face?
What is the most awkward thing your dog has done? Let us know in the comments or tweet me @maggieclancy!