10 weird pet products

At DogTime and CatTime, we’re inundated with productsuseful products. In our day-to-day dealings, however, we occasionally come across things that defy description. We picked out 10 pet items that caught our eye for various reasons, such as an odd name or service it provides…and, yes, they’re all real.

BARF: An acronym for Biologically Appropriate Raw Food, BARF is a line of raw whole foods that contains vital ingredients to help maintain a dog’s skin and coat and prevent ear infections. Potential benefits aside, it would be difficult to come up with a more repellent name. VOMIT, anyone?

Bowlingual: Anyone who has seen the movie Up will remember the dogs fitted with collars that allowed the animals to communicate in spoken English (or other languages). The Bowlingual isn’t quite as dramatic, although the product claims to determine a dog’s mood by analyzing his barks, so you’ll know if your pooch is happy, sad, frustrated, or on guard; it even gives a written phrase via LED display that estimates what your dog is saying.

Hot Doll: For the dog owner who doesn’t want to get their best friend neutered, the Hot Doll is one way for their pooch to relieve certain urges that come with retaining his reproductive organs. Made in France (no comment), the Hot Doll’s legs have a “no slide system designed for extreme grip,” and there is a cone in the back that can be removed and cleaned, or replaced. Not for dogs with Neuticles (see below).

Neuticles: Is your dog or cat neutered? Do they have self-esteem issues? Maybe they’re self-conscious of their “condition,” and ridiculed by more “manly” dogs or cats? If that’s the case, Neuticles can make them feel like a “real” animal again. Neuticles are testicular implants for neutered pets that are available in a variety of sizes. Are they effective? Just ask the Kardashians: their family dog, Rocky, has them (of course he does).

Pet Sweat: Available in Japan, the imagery of how the liquid for this bottled water is “collected” is too horrible to contemplate. TokyoTimes.org claims the product is targeted toward high-energy dogs, as it allows them to “relax and recharge.”

Poop Freeze: Poop Freeze is an aerosol can that shoots a blast of frigid air to petrify dog droppings for easy pick-up and disposal. The same company, FSI, also offers the Dog Fart Terminator, another aerosol-spray product that gets rid of dog flatulence odor with “fart-fighting particles.”

Pussi: Sometimes things just get lost in translation, and the eighth-grader in you takes over. Purina’s Felix cat food in the United Kingdom is called Pussi in Sweden (it even carries the tagline, “As good as it looks”). Use the Swedish cat-food name in America in everyday situations, and you can have hours of puerile fun. So many opportunities…

Qiut cat food: You might think it’s a typo, but it isn’t. Bane to copy editors everywhere, Qiut makes pedantic wordsmiths want to carry a sharpie with them to the market and make manual corrections. Qiut is available in Malaysia.

Sexy Beast: If you are completely repulsed by a dog’s foul odor, try some perfume — dog perfume. Billed as “A unisex blend of bergamot and vanilla-infused musk combined with natural patchouli, mandarin and nutmeg oils,” your dog could rule the neighborhood; 3.4 ounces of the stuff will set you back $65. This product is in no way related to the superior 2000 gangster movie.

The Turd Burglar: A dog comes with a lot of responsibility: you need to feed him, take him to the vet, walk him, show him love and affection, and clean up after him. The Turd Burglar lets you have a bit of fun with that last one, as nothing shows responsibly caring for your pooch like flinging his excrement around the yard with a hockey stick capped with the TB plastic attachment. You can even make a game of it and see who can get the “puck” into a goal or hit a target (or launch it onto your neighbor’s property)…just don’t try a slap shot — that could get messy.