Dear Labby's advice on grieving for a pet
Dear Labby,
It was May 25, 2009, when I had to let go of my Shepherd mix best friend, Maxine. It's now March, 2010, and I'm still very emotional. After almost 17 years of great memories with Maxine, old age caught up to her. I promised her I would let go when she was not having fun with life anymore. I honored my promise to do what is best for her, but the heartache is amazingly difficult to deal with. After her passing, I have noticed there isn't much out there for grieving the loss of a pet. Could you give me advice on how to deal with these feelings? I want to get another dog but won't until I get a grip on this first. I hope you can help.
Signed:
Having Endless Anguish, Rough Time Accepting Circumstances of Hound's Exit
My heartfelt condolences on the loss of your beloved Maxine. Though my degree is in petiquette, not counseling, grief is an important issue and one that deserves space in this column. The loss of a family member or friend, whether human or other, is painful, real, and unique to each circumstance.
Dogtime offers a variety of resources on the topic - you'll find an introduction and a list of helpful articles here:
I encourage you to read as much as you can, H.E.A.R.T.A.C.H.E., but in the meantime take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Allow yourself to grieve. Don't put a timetable on recovery and don't let anyone make you feel silly for devastation at the loss of an animal.
Sometimes the local SPCA or Humane Society will offer pet loss support groups. That may or may not be your cup of kibble, but it's worth trying once. Volunteering can also provide an excellent focus for channeling grief: tending to animals who desperately need kindness can be tremendous comfort.
Readers, I need your help on this one. Please post a comment if you have words of support, wisdom, or condolence for H.E.A.R.T.A.C.H.E.
Got a petiquette question for Dear Labby? Email dearlabby@dogtime.com
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 | Today is a sad day for us. We lost our 6 year old Min Pin Brandi. She got sick a week ago. They found a mass in her tummy. The operated two days ago. The mass turned out to be a blockage. The vet removed almost a foot of intestines. We saw her the day after surgery(sunday). She was so happy to see us. Her little tail moving fater than ever. We had high hopes. Today we saw her before taking our children to the beach for the day. She was very tired and didnt move as much. The vet said he had her medicated to rest. Later this afternoon around 2pm the vet called. He asked us to come in. I said "well we are at the beach is everything ok?" He said" well just come by the hospital when you can." I asked him "she passed away didnt she?" he said yes! I lost it. The pain was so bad. Everything I had planned for her when she came home, the love I had yet given her, and I had givin her worlds of it already, I was going to cherish her so much more, Play with her more, pamper her more, I was just happy my girl didnt have cancer and had a good chance of making it. Now, all of it gone like that. I felt like I had lost a child. As I sat there stunned I knew what I had to do next. Now even more pain will come.... I had to look at my wife down on the beach and find a way to tell her in a private way in a public place without runining the rest of the day for our 3 boys. Its now 11pm and we have been through wave after wave of tears. She is never coming home. She will never chase me to the food pantry again when its din din time. She will never sleep on my pillow. She will never lick my face. She will never sing when I play harmonica. So many nevers. I hurt so bad. And my wife, never having a little girl because dad can only make boys, lost her little girl today. To top all this off. Our male Min Pin, Her BoBo, is very sad and curled up with her sweater. They were a bonded pair. For those that dont know what that is, its a pair not for breeding, not litter mates, but 2 that have been together from birth or very near birth or are so long they are two flippen pears in a pod. Ours were just 2 months apart in age and together from time she was 2 months. I have owned some other pets, but I have never felt pain like this over losing one. If she had gotten old and this came on over time, I could handle it much better. I know I have done that one. This was too fast. Too all of sudden. Not fair for "someone" so young. I thought I was being over emotional about this loss, I had to know if I was alone. One search resulted this site. Now we know we are not alone. Just in the short time it took to write this I feel better. However I (we) would love to talk to others who feel the way we do about a family pet/member. Someone or Someone's who have grieved greatly as we are now. We miss our beloved Brandi AKA Bran Bran AKA Piddles. Life will NEVER be the same without her. If you care to chat or offer some help.....please Email us at funnufgh@yahoo.com Mike and Lynn 11 months ago by Mike |
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